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GOD FRIENDED ME
~ YOM KIPPUR 5780
There is a television show that I’ve become quite
interested in over the past two years. It is called God Friended Me – one of
those shows with the feel good at the end of each episode type of vibe with a
lesson within.
In God Friended Me, the main character Miles, receives a
Facebook friend suggestion from “God.” Prime Video describes the show as one
where: “Questions of faith, existence and science are explored in this
humorous, uplifting drama about an outspoken atheist whose life is turned
upside down when he is “friended” by God on Facebook. Unwittingly, he becomes
an agent of change in the lives and destinies of others around him.” The
episodes highlight the best and sometimes, but not often, the worst of human
nature. There is a theme of the challenge to live an authentic life with
kindness and caring to family, friends and strangers that interests and soothes
me … and brings me back week after week.
The show speaks to me, because this past spring, God
friended me.
Many of you are aware that
back in May my husband, daughter and I were in a very serious accident while we
were on our way to say our final good-byes to my mother in Rhode Island. We
were on I-95N in Connecticut when a truck hit us, causing us to spin out, cross
3 lanes of highway and hit the Jersey Wall head on. We then bounced off and
ended up perpendicular across the left two lanes of highway. It is truly a
miracle that we are alive.
So how did God friend me or rather us? First off, we made
it across the highway w/o being hit again. Then, as were we sitting there in
the aftermath of the crash – the 3 of us in various states of injury and shock
– two truckers decided to block off the lanes we were in so no one could hit us
(there had been at least one near miss that I’m aware of). Then they got out of
their trucks and came over to help us and stayed with us until the EMTs
arrived. Truly the kindness of strangers. Even more so because truckers are
only paid when they are moving and delivering their cargo on time. These two
men lost parnassa, or wages, in order to help my family.
God also friended us by showering us with kindness – the
kindness of family, friends, complete strangers, people we’d only met on FB but
never spoken to in person, parents of our children’s friends. A friend called
the local Chabad. The Chabad Rebbetzin made us the most amazing Shabbat dinner
while my daughter was in ICU and the rest of us, including Alex and Madeline,
hung around in the ICU b/c we were afraid to go too far. This Rebbetzin not
only made us enough food to last for days but also volunteered her husband, the
Chabad Rebbe, to go out and do errands for me. Did I need make-up, she asked,
or deodorant? You should consider us your family while you are here in the
hospital. Whatever you need, just ask. Wonderful woman.
We did not get to RI to say our final goodbyes to my
mother. We did talk to her on the phone but we don’t really know what she did
nor did not hear. The accident took place early Thursday morning – 3:30am. My
mother died on Shabbat, around 12:15 am Saturday morning. I was to conduct the
funeral but a friend, a rabbi in RI, received permission to officiate at the
funeral even though none of us were members at her shul. She provided a caring
and loving presence throughout. Another dear friend opened up her home to us
after the funeral. And members of Temple Emanuel in Providence, RI were able to
support me as I led evening services that first night of shiva and said Kaddish
for my mother in the synagogue that we both grew up in.
The support continued. A friend from Silver Spring drove
up to stay with our daughter who was scheduled to have surgery as we went to
the funeral. The new rabbi of our synagogue here in Rockville sent us food.
Friends and colleagues from all over the world called, texted and face-timed us
to see how we were and did we need anything. My rabbinic mentor and friend
called me every day whether I needed to talk or not. A rabbinical colleague I had never met had
been away when the news came out about our accident. As soon as she got home
she hopped in her car and drove a distance to the hospital in CT to see if we
needed anything. She brought Chai for my daughter and she “rabbi’d” the Rabbah
– something I dearly needed. The hospital staff went out of their way for us
when they realized what we’d been through, that 2 of 3 family members were in
their care. Even the man at the rental car agency “friended us” as he upgraded
our rental car (at no extra cost) from a mid-size car to an SUV so that we
would be safe on our drive home to MD.
After services at the synagogue in Providence I walked
around the main sanctuary and read the many memorial plaques on the walls.
There in that room were generations of my family - grandparents, great grandparents,
aunts, uncles, cousins. I was surrounded and held by the memories and the souls
of all the loved ones who went before me. It wasn’t my time to join them, Thank
God, but it was my time to be comforted by their memories and to remember what
they taught me about family and community. About living and loving. About
caring for myself but also caring for others.
God friended me and my family that last week in May. And
I will never forget it. I will “friend” others in chesed, in kindness, in
remembrance of the kindness that I received from friends and strangers alike. I
will take my experiences and the teachings I received from my departed loved
ones who surrounded me on the walls of the sanctuary, and I will friend others
in turn.
Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel put it this way, “When I was
young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.” Kind
people, like those wonderful truckers who perhaps also saved our lives on the
highway that night. While we were able to
express our gratitude to them, we never learned their names in order to thank
them properly. The best I will be able to do is hold those two men in my
prayers and pay it forward. So that’s what I will do. I will pay forward the
kindness shown to my family during our time of need by being there to help
others when they need it.
I’ve always believed that the way God manifests here on
earth is through the actions of each and every person. Godliness manifests when
we do a kind action, when we make a difference in someone’s life, when we
remember that we were once strangers and therefore do our best to help the
stranger, the immigrant, the poor, the sick.
All the people who supported us during this troubling
time were shining examples of God’s influence in our lives. I could have felt
totally bereft after the accident and my mother’s death – in truth, for a while
I did. One thing that pulled me out was the realization that we are not alone,
that God was with us through all the people who appeared for us. In that vein,
the change I want to see coming out of this High Holy Day season is that each
of us become the change we want to see in the world.
God Friended me. How are you going to friend someone? We
are taught that the idea behind Yizkor is to pay the chesed, the kindness
forward. We pledge to do mitzvot and gemilut chesed/acts of loving kindness in
the names of those we loved and learned from.
How will you honor the memories and the life lessons of those who came
before you?
As we enter into this new year of 5780, I leave you with
this task. Each morning, as you wake up, ask yourself -
Who can I friend today?
